


Smokey and the Turk

by drakonlily (krayxlidlon)



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-28
Updated: 2009-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-03 22:50:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krayxlidlon/pseuds/drakonlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reno and Cid are stuck in a hole. Rated T for lots of naughty words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smokey and the Turk

**Smokey and the Turk**

Go to Midgar and find the files that Nanaki and Shera needed. It sounded so simple. Walk in, walk out…

 

…or not.

 

"Gods fuckn' damnit, ya old shit-sift'n wastrel of space! I SAID not to touch. There weren't even gods damned multi-syllabic WORDS in that statement! What the fucking hell are you thinking in that smoke infested tar-trap you call a head! Do I need to get one of them fuckin' kiddy leashes?"

 

"Who the hell died and left you in charge, you corporate slut? Who the gods damned fucking hell does your shit stain of a brain think you are insulting? I was cussin' before you were a failed attempt at a coat hanger and a mornin' after pill!"

 

Mako eyes glared over at blue ones in a sudden lapse to silence. They'd been going at it like this for the better part of three hours. Just after Reno told Cid to not touch any of the blinking levers.

 

How could anyone just IGNORE blinking levers?

 

And hence, the two were now wandering the failed ShinRa corridors, depending solely on Reno's enhanced night vision.

 

"How the hell do I know where your shifty ass is leading me? There best not be any of your fag-fuck Turk rituals involved in this." Cid snapped, throwing a cigarette on the ground and fishing around for a new one.

 

The light ahead of him faded to nothing and then Reno sighed.

 

"Stop closing your feskin' eyes. Prick"

 

His eyes opened and Reno turned to look at Cid again. Reno had a deep voice that strongly contrasted his thin chest. "I'm sorry, Cloud. Yer loud mouthed, annoying ass pilot friend who was too interested in my sexual preferences? He fell off a cliff and died. No, those burn marks are SO not from my mag rod… its lighting!"

 

"I'll kick yer worthless ass." Cid snarled back.

 

"Try it, grandpa." Reno exhaled smoke in twin jets out his nose and spun on heel with quick strides down the corridor.

 

Cid would have said something, but he had a bit of a one track mind. He was out of cigarettes.

 

There was no more nicotine to dampen the pain of Reno upon his nerves…

 

It was about that time Reno turned a corner. Now he was out of cigarettes and his night light was gone. THEN he realized that Reno'd called him "grandpa". Slamming into the corner that he hadn't been able to see, Cid cursed loudly till he caught up with Reno. "Now you see here you god's damned son of a whore. Who the fuck you callin' GRANDPA?"

 

"What was that about a failed abortion and your perpetual foul mouth?" A cloud of smoke hovered just over Reno's flame red hair, further reminding Cid how he himself was without a cigarette.

 

"Ya know, call me crazy-" Cid started.

 

"Yer fucking crazy." Reno interrupted.

 

"I THINK-" Cid overtook his unwelcome companion's voice with a bit of effort due to their difference in pitch. "That we are going FURTHER into this fuck-nest of insanity."

 

"Hero boy said get the files. We're gonna get the files." Reno lit a new cigarette with the butt of his old one. Two more twin jets of smoke filtered out his nose before he crushed the filter under his boot. "We get out later."

 

"Jobs always come first? Fuckin' Turks."

 

"Work always too hard? Fuckin' Pilots."

 

Cid huffed, jealousy watching Reno smoke as though he was a child that wanted Reno's candy bar. Reno smiled like a child that knew his rival wanted his candy bar and was therefore determined to enjoy that candy more than any he ever had before. Cid reached a hand forward tentatively for Reno's back pocket and his cigarettes.

 

"Off my kool-aid, bitch." Reno snapped.

 

Cid's hand didn't stop moving. Before he could snag the ex-Turk's cigarettes, Reno's mag lot lit up the rest of the hallway as it came into contact with the bridge of Cid's hand.

 

Cid yelped, cupping his uninjured hand and pressing his mouth against the burn. Reno hadn't used enough electricity to really hurt Cid, but the point was certainly clear. Cid laughed, causing Reno to give a curious look over his shoulder.

 

"So, ya only let that Tseng fellow atcher ass?"

 

Reno rolled his eyes, causing the light to roll around the hallway. Before he could say anything, Cid coughed.

 

"IFRIT FUCKING SHIVA ON THE HIGHWAY, WHAT DIED DOWN HERE!"

 

Reno ignored Cid for the time being; he was busy looking at a door. He took one last long drag on his cigarette and tossed it to the floor. His voice had a fatalistic note to it when he spoke, letting out a cloud of smoke. "Quite a few things."

 

Cid wasn't really an asshole, he just… well, ok, he'd admit high levels of assholery, but he wasn't mean. He just didn't think before he spoke…

 

…ever.

 

"Well then what the fuck ya waiting fer? The boogie-man ta eat ya squirrelly ass?" And there was a case in point.

 

The glare that Reno sent him suddenly was a reminder that while the Turks and AVALANCHE were officially teammates, they still weren't exactly on the same page yet. Reno reached to his hip and pulled a gun before kicking in the door as if he wished it had been Cid's head.

 

The pilot watched Reno edge into the room, gun raised. Cid had seen cop shows like that. Usually it was about now that the bad guy should leap out and try to kill Reno, and depending on the cop show, win or not. Of course the cop shows weren't lit up in green. "Shit." Cid muttered; everything was lined with a film of mako. That was the smell.

 

He could see Reno's eyes as the Turk moved around the room, checking every empty tube. He spent a long while at a control panel, digging around in the belly of the machine and pulling free the memory. Finally, Cid could hear the other man let out a breath and light another cigarette.

 

"Goddamn chain smoker." Cid snapped, striding up to the control panel with Reno. He snagged up the file storage box and slid it into his pouch. "I coulda swore I brought three packs with me…"

 

Reno let out a chuckle.

 

Then it dawned on Cid that he and Reno smoked the same brand of cigarette. "YOU –" Cid Highwind had not been expecting the tackle from Reno. His cursing therefore took a strange turn and shifted to some mixture of calling Reno a thief and all forms of perverted. He could hear an explosion, then, and little parts of glass cut along Cid's arm. The wind rushed out of his lungs as he connected with the floor. Reno rolled off of Cid, flipping to a crouch.

 

When things exploded, it usually signified something that Cid had taken or wanted to take part in. Of course, little specs of glass cutting into one's arm was enough to make him quite too disgruntled to want to blow anything up.

 

"Target, AVALANCHE. Highwind, Cidney Reginald." A digitized voice recited.

 

Reno's deep voice bit back a laugh. "REGINALD?"

 

Before Cid could turn and properly tell Reno to fuck himself, the owner of the third voice slid into view. A large robot, two sliding feet, a hunched body- probably used for storing energy- and numerous mounted weapons accumulated in something that looked like one seriously pissed off armadillo on stilts.

 

The machine charged and let out another blast. Reno and Cid sprang off in different directions. Both shocked that anything was still active. "Power… surging." And then as though Alexander himself had brought down the sun, all the lights snapped on with blinding effect.

 

"FUCK!" Reno yelled, covering his eyes.

 

The machine's mounted camera swiveled and took in the Turk. "Turk. Model number 47956. Ally." It then turned all of its attention to Cid.

 

Cid scrambled back, managing to dodge three times before he found a section of piping against the wall. With a grunt, he yanked the pipe free. Old mako dribbled from both ends. He slid into a stance, preparing to ram the thing. He took a step forward, however, and had to leap backwards to avoid a laser blast.

 

His eyes narrowed. "Well fuck you too."

 

"Charging…" POed Armadillo stated. Before it could finish a charge cycle, however, the room lit up blue. Upon leaping to the side, Cid could see Reno behind the machine, his mag rod pressed against its side.

 

A sudden whirring sound, and then, the mag rod exploded. Reno was thrown back and through two and a half of those glass tubes. "Defection. Operation: eliminate defector." POed Armadillo started to him then.

 

Cid growled. That son of a bitch. How could he just SAVE Cid's ass and then get himself into a fucking life threatening bind as a result? That asshole, now Cid had to save him. Fuck Cloud and his hero complex and said complex's need to imprint itself on everyone that Cloud knew.

 

Cid charged, jumping up and thrusting his impromptu lance down into the machine. With what could only be described as a shriek, POed Armadillo reared up and fell backwards, pitching Cid to the mako covered floor again.

 

Cid remained on the floor for a few minutes, just waiting. The lights dimmed slightly, then the tubes turned off, and after another long set of moments, only emergency lights and the computer monitor remained on, casting dim light.

 

"Turk?" Cid asked, standing up. He vainly tried to wipe the mako off of his shirt and pants and only succeeded in smearing it. "Goddamnit, GlowEyes, we got that damn file let's get out… Reno?"

 

Cid crossed the room to where Reno was still prone half out of a large specimen tube. The Turk didn't look good. Cid couldn't tell if his chest was moving or not. The fact that Cid actually felt bad, remorseful even, was a shock.

 

He and Reno had this verbal war between the two of them. One that each claimed to be winning constantly. Cid suddenly realized that he had actually gone seeking Reno out on occasion when a particularly good line of cursing came to him.

 

Well shit. Looked like he actually liked the guy.

 

"Fuck." Cid snapped, at both of them. "Goddamnit! Getcher fuckin ass up! You didn't even see that HEROIC as all shit out rescue of your sorry ass, you goddamned Turk."

 

Reno didn't move.

 

With a grunt of pain, Cid crouched beside the Turk, picking through the glass. "Reno? Listen here fucktard, don't you dare have the audacity to die on me. I'll be stuck down here!" And he wouldn't have anyone to argue with anymore. Barett just wasn't as witty as Reno could be and Reeve refused to play with Cid.

 

Silence stretched again, far longer than would be comfortable for even Vincent, let alone Cid Highwind. He sighed, standing. "Keep the fuckin cigarettes, jack ass."

 

"Did.. didn't know ya cared Reggie." Reno wheezed.

 

"WHAT did you call me, you shit?" Cid snapped, whirling.

 

Reno croaked in pain, sitting up. He laughed then "My new name for you is Reggie."

 

"Did you not SEE my ass being heroic and saving your ungrateful hide? You could at –" Cid exhaled a breath and stormed up to Reno, who was having trouble standing. "Come 'ere you fucktard."

 

He draped his arm over Reno's shoulder and helped the Turk stand. Reno couldn't put weight on his right foot, other than that, he appeared to be alright. The two looked at each other before Reno used his left hand and dug out the pack of cigarettes. In what had to be a practiced motion, Reno lit two of them, replaced the pack and handed one to Cid. All with one hand.

 

"Let's get the shit out of here." Cid muttered, limping with Reno. "You owe my ass, Red. Here I am hauling ya to safety."

 

Reno laughed again. "There best not be any of your fag-fuck Flight School rituals involved in this."

 

Cid laughed. He couldn't help it. "Yeah, don'tcha get yer hopes up, Glowy."

 

"I won't Reggie."

 

Cid puffed on the cigarette with his eyes narrowed. He prayed to god that he'd find out Reno's full name soon and was sincerely hoping it would be something like Renald Leopald SissyPants. "I hate you." He snapped.

 

They both knew that he didn't mean it.


End file.
